This question may be a little out of place here but, where else can I get such real answers from such real professionals. I have been having a very emotional day today as I am getting married next week (so after I post this I am logging off for the day.) I really would like to know how those of you who are married, handle dividing your time with your work and your spouse? I love her and I love my work, and I don’t wish either of them to get neglected.
I’m hoping that my view on it will at least serve to let you know that you’re not alone. If it were a few years earlier, I might not share this. However, I think most people are becoming more accepting of cohabiting, so I don’t feel like sharing this should hurt my professional reputation. I’m not married, but I have been in a stable relationship for almost 5 years now with the woman I intend to marry. We have lived together for 2 years. I don’t know much about marriage, but I would argue with someone who says that living together for over 2 years doesn’t necessarily mean that I know what it’s like to be married… Uh huh… OK..
Being in college, well back in college, while my significant other is in college, while I’m working as a personal trainer, while we’re living together… it can all get tough. I’m not going to lie, there are times when I simply don’t have time for anything else other than what HAS to be done. This past week was a good example. Studying for college midterms with a full course load, personal training (myself), getting hired by a local gym (I’m still in transition), worrying about whether or not taking that job was the right decision (would I have been better off, financially?), doing an online interview for potential inclusion in an IDEA article that comes out in January… all of that isn’t hard.. but it takes soooooo much preparation! That preparation is something that only I can do, and I can’t do more than one thing at a time, no one should.
Yes, my relationship “took the back seat” this past week. The important thing is that I’m not the only one who has that problem in my relationship. She gets busy too. We respect each other’s schedules. When there is time, we spend it together, because we never know when we might get another chance to go to a movie, even if just for 2 hours, or go try on stupid clothes in the department stores, or go out for dinner, have a picnic, go for a drive, go to downtown Savannah (you should come for a vacation if you haven’t! It’s legendary here). It’s all about making use of the time that you will have.
The cold hard truth of it all is… you have to bust your butt to survive in this world. There will be times when you just can’t do it all. Having been down that road, I can say that I wish I had learned sooner than later the importance of sitting down together and talking about time, scheduling, and accepting the possibility that sometimes neither person in the relationship might ever have “enough” time for the other. It’s all about being upfront and coming to an understanding about time, work, and what has to be done to sustain a standard of living. You gotta be real man. Yes, you might be getting married and creating a life together, but you guys are still, and will always be, two different people with separate lives. I mean I figure that’s sort of why you’re getting married, if you could have married yourself and been happy, you would have done it by now, right? lol
Anyway… I hope that helps a little!
I hope you have a great wedding day and a great marriage in the decades to come!