This question may be a little out of place here but, where else can I get such real answers from such real professionals. I have been having a very emotional day today as I am getting married next week (so after I post this I am logging off for the day.) I really would like to know how those of you who are married, handle dividing your time with your work and your spouse? I love her and I love my work, and I don’t wish either of them to get neglected.
How can you make it clear to her how important it is for you to have and to hold both of these concerns?
It sounds to me that you value, cherish and respect both of these aspects of your life? Perhaps it is easiest to neglect something we do not value. Therefore, if we continue to value both, we continue to put emergy in both.
Continued success Stephen
I’m hoping that my view on it will at least serve to let you know that you’re not alone. If it were a few years earlier, I might not share this. However, I think most people are becoming more accepting of cohabiting, so I don’t feel like sharing this should hurt my professional reputation. I’m not married, but I have been in a stable relationship for almost 5 years now with the woman I intend to marry. We have lived together for 2 years. I don’t know much about marriage, but I would argue with someone who says that living together for over 2 years doesn’t necessarily mean that I know what it’s like to be married… Uh huh… OK..
Being in college, well back in college, while my significant other is in college, while I’m working as a personal trainer, while we’re living together… it can all get tough. I’m not going to lie, there are times when I simply don’t have time for anything else other than what HAS to be done. This past week was a good example. Studying for college midterms with a full course load, personal training (myself), getting hired by a local gym (I’m still in transition), worrying about whether or not taking that job was the right decision (would I have been better off, financially?), doing an online interview for potential inclusion in an IDEA article that comes out in January… all of that isn’t hard.. but it takes soooooo much preparation! That preparation is something that only I can do, and I can’t do more than one thing at a time, no one should.
Yes, my relationship “took the back seat” this past week. The important thing is that I’m not the only one who has that problem in my relationship. She gets busy too. We respect each other’s schedules. When there is time, we spend it together, because we never know when we might get another chance to go to a movie, even if just for 2 hours, or go try on stupid clothes in the department stores, or go out for dinner, have a picnic, go for a drive, go to downtown Savannah (you should come for a vacation if you haven’t! It’s legendary here). It’s all about making use of the time that you will have.
The cold hard truth of it all is… you have to bust your butt to survive in this world. There will be times when you just can’t do it all. Having been down that road, I can say that I wish I had learned sooner than later the importance of sitting down together and talking about time, scheduling, and accepting the possibility that sometimes neither person in the relationship might ever have “enough” time for the other. It’s all about being upfront and coming to an understanding about time, work, and what has to be done to sustain a standard of living. You gotta be real man. Yes, you might be getting married and creating a life together, but you guys are still, and will always be, two different people with separate lives. I mean I figure that’s sort of why you’re getting married, if you could have married yourself and been happy, you would have done it by now, right? lol
Anyway… I hope that helps a little!
I hope you have a great wedding day and a great marriage in the decades to come!
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. I wish you well and happy.
I believe the very fact that you are asking yourself (and others) this question already holds the promise of an answer. If you put that question also to her and keep good lines of communication open at all times, you will have success in all the areas that you love. Particularly at the beginning of a relationship, we tend to agree too quickly to the other person’s request when we really do not want them to do it (because we love him/her) but that can build up silent resentment which in turn can lead to an unexpected eruption.
Good luck to both of you.
Stephen, congratulations to you and your soon-to-be wife.
I wish I had the answer to your question. All I say is what has been working for me for almost 22 years. Yes, I will be married 22 years this April 21, 2012 and have been working in the industry for the duration.
Love, trust, mutual respect and communiation. Have respect for each other’s profession but recognize you both matter more than your professions. You can love both your wife and your profession, but recognize, though, that it is not the same kind of love.
When you truly love someone, you make sacrifices for that person. It is true, we makes sacrifices in order to advance in our profession but should those sacrifices be at the expense of someone you say you love. You must answer that question yourself.
All I can say that marriage and being in love is a wonderful thing that both of you must work hard in order for it to be successful.
I wish you and many, many, many years of marital contentment.
What about being the spouse of a police officer, doctor, stock broker, fireman, soldier, …. need I go on? The idea is not to become a workaholic and to maintain a healthy balance between your home life and your profession.
It helps to understand as much as you can about your spouse’s work and why he or she gets so much satisfaction from it. The more you know, the less resentful you’ll be. You’ll also be a better sounding board when your partner needs to vent or seek encouragement.