What do I do about an elder client that is seeking my friendship when I would prefer to stay at a professional level?

Yes, very tricky.

I assume that you interacted with her as a group fitness instructor. Particularly with older adults, we may be the only people they talk to in the course of the day. Did you observe her interacting with any of the other participants? Her comments may have fallen on deaf ears there, and she addressed them to you knowing that you were bound to respond in a professional and courteous way.

You indicate that her calls are making you uncomfortable because you would prefer not to interact with her at that level. I would discuss this with my supervisor. Maybe they can call her back telling her that they would let you know.

This may not easily fix the problem, though, if she is determined that you are the one who needs/wants to know. We often are very casual in our remarks to get somebody off our backs. I will make a comment like "Oh, yes, please let me know how it (whatever that is) went", when I really have no interest in the matter. You mention in your question that "she does not always understand", and you may need to brace yourself for the eventuality that, no matter what you do or fail to do, if she does not want to 'get a hint'. In the worst case scenario, she may even be angry with you. This is why I would find it important that you involve your supervisors and appraise them of the situation.

I wish you good luck with that. I also liked Joanne's suggestions. those are very good options.

This is definitely a sticky and tough situation. Unfortunately, it's one that we as fitness professionals (especially if you are approachable and compassionate as you apparently are) must deal with from time-to-time. I totally agree with Karin, and I like Joanne's response. I would add that if going to your supervisor and having that person intercede on your behalf doesn't work, you may need to unfortunately take a stronger stance. You may have to NOT respond to every instance that she emails or tries to contact you. Although she is one of your clients and you clearly have compassion for her situation, you may need to start treating her emails/calls as you would any other "unwanted" communication. When a sales person or spam email comes in we don't feel compelled to respond to each of them. You can fairly easily distinguish her "just want to contact you" communications from those dealing with the professional aspects of your relationship, and this may have to become your "fine line of demarcation." Respond back when it's related to your professional relationship, and otherwise not. I know that this seems very harsh, and quite frankly, I'm not sure that I could be that distinct with my interaction with her. I have several elderly clients that contact me outside of our training relationship, and for me, that's ok. But this is all very individual.

I hope this helps and good luck!

LaRue, CSCS
www.lecfitness.com
lecfitness@yahoo.com

LaRue has a valid point you need to set the boundary, not someone else, otherwise you never have control, and you are back to square one. I like Joanne's approach as well, suggesting coaching. You might say that it appears to you that she would like to maintain a professional relationship and therefore you are offering her telephone coaching at $ a session/hour. Just the price of paying for your will set the boundary. Worst case, or maybe best case, if you enjoy her, you'll get paid to listen. If you do not enjoy the thought of coaching her, then, set the price above what is called a reservation point, or the extreme limit on what you would perceive she would pay. Make sure this price point is somthing you can live with if she says yes.

Then, take a look at yourself. What can you change in order to not attract this type of behavior next time?
It has happen to many of us in the people business. Myself I have very strong boundaries and then boundaries external to the close ones. Like a castle with a wall, a moat and a draw bridge.
;-)

How is she interrupting class? She should understand that that is not right, Just kindly let her know she can't be doing that. Let her know your boundaries as soon as possible.

Just curious, what was her faith and what is yours, sometimes beliefs can cause someone to act inapropriately. Although the belief understood correctly usually results in good behavior, but a belief with a slightly twisted view can cause pride. It sounds like she has a high opinion of her own ways and a low view of you and your boundaries thus her behavior.


Troy Knudson
www.exercisewithtroy.com

Respect for your elders is an action statement, not a philosophy. Each of us has to decide what those actions are going to be. The universe brought you together for a reason. Perhaps the relationship with her will gift you with self knowledge or lead you to someone that you need to know. You can afford a phone call or an encouraging card once a month to "check in" on how she is doing. Perhaps your caring ways will make THE difference for her at this moment in her life. I would follow the compassion path of the heart. The universe knows best.

A great country will be judged on how it cares for the weakest members of its society.

Thanks everyone for all of the suggestions. It has been very helpful to see different approaches for how to handle this. My director and I decided to get the member services to contact her on behalf of all the staff. This avoided giving her the false impression that there was a personal friendship between myself and her but also let her know that we do care. She has since returned and back to participating in classes.