Answers (9)
1
I'd touch base w/ his parents and have a meeting with them and their child present. I'd discuss the issues, and typically the parent will take it from there, problem solved.
0
I would talk to his parents and then ask him to have a seat during the next practice and not participate until he learns how to follow the rules.
OR make him your assistant, he has to follow your rules
OR make him your assistant, he has to follow your rules
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Hi Michael,
the others are correct in suggesting that this is an issue that should be addressed by the parents. As it appears nowadays, though, many parents do not necessarily own up to this responsibility. They may have put him into your program in hopes that you will be the one who sets him straight.
I assume that you are part of a larger organization, and I would also touch base with other coaches because this is certainly a common problem.
One responsibility that you have, though, is the safety of the other participants. The line between teasing and bullying is blurry.
Karin Singleton
www.meltnc.com
the others are correct in suggesting that this is an issue that should be addressed by the parents. As it appears nowadays, though, many parents do not necessarily own up to this responsibility. They may have put him into your program in hopes that you will be the one who sets him straight.
I assume that you are part of a larger organization, and I would also touch base with other coaches because this is certainly a common problem.
One responsibility that you have, though, is the safety of the other participants. The line between teasing and bullying is blurry.
Karin Singleton
www.meltnc.com
0
Thanks for the responses. Karin I completely agree with you and since the parents might be a factor in the behavior I am going to have to go with Susan's suggestion of making the kid an assistant. It'll hopefully motivate him and give him something to feel good about. I can have him take attendance or warm up the team. Thanks for your suggestions, they were helpful.
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Hi Michael. I do not know about this specific case, but I agree that more often than note, the root of the child's bad behavior can be found at the parents. Therefore, while speaking with the parents is probably still a good idea, I wouldn't be surprised if you run into denial, deflection and perhaps even excuses. I do not know if I agree with making him an assistant. This could be seen as some sort of 'reward for bad behavior' to the other kids as he would appear to be put in a leadership position by them. What message would this be giving the others?
Of course the final decision on how to handle this situation is entirely up to you, but after speaking with the parents, and counseling the kid, if the behavior continued, if I were in this position, I would consider suspending or removing him from the team.
My two cents.
LaRue, CSCS
www.lecfitness.com
Of course the final decision on how to handle this situation is entirely up to you, but after speaking with the parents, and counseling the kid, if the behavior continued, if I were in this position, I would consider suspending or removing him from the team.
My two cents.
LaRue, CSCS
www.lecfitness.com
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I agree that this behavior is most likely connected to the way his parents have raised him. I agree with LaRue about making him an assistant. It would be seemed as a reward for bad behavior, which is what his parents are doing. You cannot give in to him and his attitude, because next time it will be even more difficult to tell him no or "punish" him when he is out of line. He probably needs someone to follow as a good example, not make him an example for others to follow.
This is a difficult situation, mostly because you don't have all the puzzle pieces together in order to make a good decision here. If he continues to be unwilling to follow your lead and be part of the team, it's best to cut him loose. Unless you can talk to him in a way that he can understand what he is doing wrong and be willing to follow your lead, the problem has to be addressed by his parents where they might have to find a professional/counselor for him to talk to. What ever the message is going to be it has to be very clear, so there will be no second guessing going around.
The decision is yours to make...not an easy one. Good luck.
Best,
Harris
This is a difficult situation, mostly because you don't have all the puzzle pieces together in order to make a good decision here. If he continues to be unwilling to follow your lead and be part of the team, it's best to cut him loose. Unless you can talk to him in a way that he can understand what he is doing wrong and be willing to follow your lead, the problem has to be addressed by his parents where they might have to find a professional/counselor for him to talk to. What ever the message is going to be it has to be very clear, so there will be no second guessing going around.
The decision is yours to make...not an easy one. Good luck.
Best,
Harris
0
Hi Michael,
I would definitely both talk with the child and the parents. There is no bad child, just underlying reasons for behavior. While the behavior could be lack of parental supervision, etc., I wouldn't be so quick to judge. It could be many things, including a behavioral condition.
You'll get a better feel for the issues if you talk to the parents and see their response and willingness, or unwillingness, to address and help correct the situation. In the meantime, you could give the child some additional responsibilities to make him feel important and more connected to the team.
Good luck,
Christine
I would definitely both talk with the child and the parents. There is no bad child, just underlying reasons for behavior. While the behavior could be lack of parental supervision, etc., I wouldn't be so quick to judge. It could be many things, including a behavioral condition.
You'll get a better feel for the issues if you talk to the parents and see their response and willingness, or unwillingness, to address and help correct the situation. In the meantime, you could give the child some additional responsibilities to make him feel important and more connected to the team.
Good luck,
Christine
0
Hello Michael,
Addressing the parents with the kid present is an excellent suggestion. I used to teach physical education and with many kids,(not all) I would pull them aside after class and talk with them individually. I would ask all sorts of questions to find the root of the problem before taking it further. It could be a simple fix like someone suggesting making them an assistant. Explain the expectations of the class and ask the kid if they are following those expectations. If you can, make a deal with the kid. What would it take for him to meet those expectations. This is has worked wonders for me in the past but not all the time. I have a little background in counseling but from my experience, coaches and trainers can make some of the best counselors. The trainer or coach is already on a pedestal of authority and expertise. It will just take a little patience along with trial and error.
I developed a phenomenal relationship with my students and parents over the years as a teacher and that worked real well with me. Get emails and communicate weekly with parents worked well for me.
Good luck. Hope any ideas will spark something.
Thanks
Noel Vasquez
www.academyfitnessoftexas.com
Addressing the parents with the kid present is an excellent suggestion. I used to teach physical education and with many kids,(not all) I would pull them aside after class and talk with them individually. I would ask all sorts of questions to find the root of the problem before taking it further. It could be a simple fix like someone suggesting making them an assistant. Explain the expectations of the class and ask the kid if they are following those expectations. If you can, make a deal with the kid. What would it take for him to meet those expectations. This is has worked wonders for me in the past but not all the time. I have a little background in counseling but from my experience, coaches and trainers can make some of the best counselors. The trainer or coach is already on a pedestal of authority and expertise. It will just take a little patience along with trial and error.
I developed a phenomenal relationship with my students and parents over the years as a teacher and that worked real well with me. Get emails and communicate weekly with parents worked well for me.
Good luck. Hope any ideas will spark something.
Thanks
Noel Vasquez
www.academyfitnessoftexas.com
0
I too agree with chatting with the parents, but also think you may not get the result you're looking for, as they may be contributing to the problem. I'm also not sure that making the child your "assistant" is the right way to go either. Not only would you be rewarding the behavior, but what message would it be sending to the other children who are following the rules and doing as you've asked.
Often times when children act out, we first look to punishments as a way to correct the behavior. I have found that with older children, if we treat them with respect and value their opinions that we can gain their cooperation. I like Noel's suggestion of talking to the child. He may not want to be there. This may be something his parents have pushed him into doing. He may feel inadequate or have other things going on at school or home that are causing him to act out. A talk with him is warrented and possibly setting up a way to positively reinforce the behavior you'd like to see from him. An award for the class or individuals if they follow the rules. Acknowledging a child of the "class" for most improved, most helpful, best leadership or encouragement/support/sportsmanship.
Opening up lines of communication with the children and their parents will help you to spot issues before they come up and make you all act better as a team.
Good luck,
Jocelyn Martin
Often times when children act out, we first look to punishments as a way to correct the behavior. I have found that with older children, if we treat them with respect and value their opinions that we can gain their cooperation. I like Noel's suggestion of talking to the child. He may not want to be there. This may be something his parents have pushed him into doing. He may feel inadequate or have other things going on at school or home that are causing him to act out. A talk with him is warrented and possibly setting up a way to positively reinforce the behavior you'd like to see from him. An award for the class or individuals if they follow the rules. Acknowledging a child of the "class" for most improved, most helpful, best leadership or encouragement/support/sportsmanship.
Opening up lines of communication with the children and their parents will help you to spot issues before they come up and make you all act better as a team.
Good luck,
Jocelyn Martin
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